1 00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:08,050 - Leonard, I've got terrible news. - What's going on? 2 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:11,637 Before I tell you, perhaps I should soften the blow. 3 00:00:12,722 --> 00:00:15,183 Your face is pleasingly symmetrical. 4 00:00:17,476 --> 00:00:18,477 Just tell me. 5 00:00:18,811 --> 00:00:20,521 A Swedish team of physicists 6 00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:23,608 is trying to scoop our superfluid vortex experiment. 7 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:25,651 That kinda stinks. 8 00:00:25,818 --> 00:00:27,278 "That kinda stinks"? 9 00:00:27,570 --> 00:00:30,698 Why aren't you more upset? Did I soften the blow too much? 10 00:00:30,907 --> 00:00:34,285 Yeah, because this, here, is more like a Picasso painting. 11 00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:38,915 - What are we gonna do? - Perform the experiment, immediately. 12 00:00:39,123 --> 00:00:41,459 Well, I'd love to, but we need liquid helium, 13 00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:43,469 and our shipment's on back order for a month. 14 00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:45,671 A month? Are you kidding me? 15 00:00:45,922 --> 00:00:48,203 That would've been a good time for you to soften the blow. 16 00:00:49,467 --> 00:00:51,344 That shirt brings out the blue in your eyes. 17 00:00:52,303 --> 00:00:53,804 Thank you, aren't you sweet. 18 00:00:55,473 --> 00:00:58,517 Let's go check to see if the university has any helium in reserve. 19 00:00:58,809 --> 00:01:01,062 Did you know that I almost didn't wear this shirt today? 20 00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:05,858 Hey, Barry, we're in trouble. We need liquid helium. 21 00:01:06,025 --> 00:01:07,652 Does the department have any we can use? 22 00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:08,945 Sorry, there's a shortage. 23 00:01:09,111 --> 00:01:11,739 And what we do have, I need for my quantum excitation study. 24 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,783 But you won't need much for that. 25 00:01:14,325 --> 00:01:17,078 True. But if it's successful, I'm having a party with balloons. 26 00:01:18,287 --> 00:01:21,499 Come on, Barry, there's a Swedish team trying to run our experiment before us. 27 00:01:21,666 --> 00:01:22,792 Can you spare any? 28 00:01:23,501 --> 00:01:24,502 Be honest. 29 00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:27,463 If the shoe was on the other foot, would you do this for me? 30 00:01:27,838 --> 00:01:29,090 - Yes. - Not a chance. 31 00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:33,573 - What are you doing? - He said, "be honest," so I was honest. 32 00:01:33,636 --> 00:01:35,596 Didn't your mother tell you? It's the best policy. 33 00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:38,808 - So, what do you say? - Hell, no. 34 00:01:41,644 --> 00:01:43,062 He could have softened the blow. 35 00:01:45,231 --> 00:01:47,275 (Theme song playing) 36 00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:12,258 Why do you need kripke? 37 00:02:12,425 --> 00:02:14,218 Can't you just go to party city for helium? 38 00:02:15,177 --> 00:02:17,346 We'd have to go to every party city in California. 39 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:19,348 Sounds like you on cinco de Mayo. 40 00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:25,771 Hey, people were still talking about that party on siete de Mayo. 41 00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:29,692 Leonard, if that Swedish team beats us, 42 00:02:29,859 --> 00:02:32,379 I will never be able to enjoy anything from their country again. 43 00:02:33,237 --> 00:02:34,363 Which is a shame, 44 00:02:34,530 --> 00:02:38,200 because Swedish meatballs are my favorite toothpick-delivered meatball. 45 00:02:38,576 --> 00:02:40,411 If you need liquid helium so bad, 46 00:02:40,703 --> 00:02:44,248 I know a guy who can get you some if you don't ask too many questions. 47 00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:45,726 - Who is he? - Where does he work? 48 00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:48,630 - How does he get the helium? - How many questions is too many questions? 49 00:02:49,754 --> 00:02:52,256 - Maybe he's not for you. - Four questions. The answer's four. 50 00:02:55,176 --> 00:02:57,887 Hey, you know who went on a date the other night? Stuart. 51 00:02:58,220 --> 00:02:59,930 - Oh, good for him. - I thought so too. 52 00:03:00,556 --> 00:03:03,434 So is she, like, homeless or framing him for a crime? 53 00:03:05,353 --> 00:03:07,605 He's using some kinda dating app on his phone. 54 00:03:07,897 --> 00:03:09,774 Oh, which one? Maybe we can get Amy to try it. 55 00:03:10,107 --> 00:03:13,110 I don't know. Stuart, can you come in here? 56 00:03:13,444 --> 00:03:15,279 He tried to explain it to me. 57 00:03:15,446 --> 00:03:18,741 It shows you pictures of people nearby, you swipe them around, 58 00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:20,242 it looks kinda like a game. 59 00:03:20,743 --> 00:03:23,287 Oh! And if you lose the game, you have to go out with Stuart. 60 00:03:23,954 --> 00:03:24,955 (Chuckles) 61 00:03:26,624 --> 00:03:29,126 - What's up? - Can you show us that dating app? 62 00:03:29,460 --> 00:03:30,753 Oh, yeah, sure. 63 00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,464 This thing has changed my life. 64 00:03:33,839 --> 00:03:35,841 - Wow! So, how many girls have you met? - Two. 65 00:03:38,135 --> 00:03:41,472 I probably don't need to mention there is an entire number between that and zero. 66 00:03:42,348 --> 00:03:43,682 Well, so, how does it work? 67 00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:47,520 Uh, well it shows me all the single women, 68 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:50,147 in a five-mile radius, who are using the app. 69 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,566 If I like the way they look, I hit thumbs up. 70 00:03:52,817 --> 00:03:54,026 If I don't, thumbs down. 71 00:03:54,485 --> 00:03:56,445 Oh! What would make you give a girl a thumbs down? 72 00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:58,823 First time it happens, I will let you know. 73 00:04:03,452 --> 00:04:05,871 Oh, hey, I just heard back from the liquid helium guy. 74 00:04:06,205 --> 00:04:07,331 Oh! What's he say? 75 00:04:07,498 --> 00:04:09,875 He's got what we need, and can meet us tonight. 76 00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:11,544 Really? 77 00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,588 You know I don't like buying things at night. 78 00:04:16,132 --> 00:04:18,092 January 7th, 2009. 79 00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:19,677 Iwent to the ralphs at 11:30 pm. 80 00:04:19,844 --> 00:04:22,072 To pick up cracklin' oat bran for the morning, and what did I see? 81 00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:25,096 - The man restocking the cereal shelves. - That's right. And what did he do? 82 00:04:25,141 --> 00:04:27,768 He handed you the box directly and called you "stretch." 83 00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:32,565 (Shudders) It's like it was yesterday. 84 00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:36,902 - Do you want liquid helium or not? - Of course, I do! 85 00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:38,863 I don't want that Swedish team scooping us. 86 00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:40,656 Well, then, I'm gonna tell him we're in. 87 00:04:41,365 --> 00:04:43,033 Leonard, wait. This is highly unethical. 88 00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:45,536 Oh! We're just bending the rules a little. 89 00:04:45,703 --> 00:04:48,122 We have Grant money to do the experiment, 90 00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:50,374 so we're gonna spend it on the helium we need. 91 00:04:50,666 --> 00:04:54,211 It's not like when doctor goldfarb claimed he bought an electron microscope, 92 00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:57,548 but he was really just keeping a Russian girl in an apartment in Van nuys. 93 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,803 Was she helping him with his research? 94 00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:06,765 Sure. 95 00:05:08,309 --> 00:05:09,602 So, we doing this? 96 00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:13,355 - But where does he get the helium? - Remember? Don't ask too many questions. 97 00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:15,566 But this is violating university code. 98 00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:17,067 A little, but... 99 00:05:17,443 --> 00:05:19,403 (Sighs) Ifl may quote Einstein, 100 00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:24,074 "the pursuit of science calls us to ignore the rules set by man." 101 00:05:25,326 --> 00:05:26,327 Huh. 102 00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:28,913 All right, do it. Tell him we're in. 103 00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:32,666 Done. 104 00:05:33,584 --> 00:05:36,212 I can't find that quote on the Internet. Did you make that up? 105 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:42,676 Before I answer, may I just say, your skin has never looked better. 106 00:05:46,514 --> 00:05:48,140 Aren't you just made of sugar? 107 00:05:51,602 --> 00:05:53,312 I'm not sure, how I feel about this. 108 00:05:53,646 --> 00:05:55,207 Oh, come on. Just let him put the app on your phone. 109 00:05:55,231 --> 00:05:56,857 Yeah, Stuart got two dates with it. 110 00:05:57,274 --> 00:06:00,027 One of which would've ended in sex, had she not said no. 111 00:06:02,488 --> 00:06:04,990 - Okay, all set. - Okay, let me see. (Clears throat) 112 00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:06,408 Nope. 113 00:06:06,575 --> 00:06:07,618 Nope. 114 00:06:07,785 --> 00:06:08,786 Nope. 115 00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:10,204 Oh! He's cute. 116 00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:13,666 Doesn't a teardrop tattoo mean he murdered someone? 117 00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:17,503 And he's sad about it. 118 00:06:19,088 --> 00:06:20,130 - Hey. - Hello. 119 00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:21,298 - Hey. - Hey. 120 00:06:21,465 --> 00:06:24,319 - I thought you were gonna be out late. - If you wanted me to stay out later, 121 00:06:24,343 --> 00:06:26,220 you should've given me more spending money. 122 00:06:26,971 --> 00:06:28,222 What are you guys up to? 123 00:06:28,389 --> 00:06:30,789 We put Amy on a dating app and we're seeing what's out there. 124 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,393 Oh, fun, let me see. 125 00:06:33,394 --> 00:06:34,770 Uh, no. 126 00:06:35,646 --> 00:06:37,982 No. Definitely not. 127 00:06:38,816 --> 00:06:39,976 What was wrong with that guy? 128 00:06:40,025 --> 00:06:42,361 Uh, he's Indian. We've already got one of those. 129 00:06:44,238 --> 00:06:47,283 Ooh! We should find a nice latino, really round us out. 130 00:06:48,659 --> 00:06:49,702 I wanna try. 131 00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:51,495 Uh, excuse me, can I have my phone back? 132 00:06:51,662 --> 00:06:54,224 Yeah, hang on. I'm trying to find you the next great love of your life. 133 00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:55,768 The man who will father your children. 134 00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,127 Okay, yes or no on white guy with dreadlocks. 135 00:06:58,294 --> 00:06:59,378 (All clamoring) 136 00:07:08,679 --> 00:07:10,264 (Sighs) That must be him. 137 00:07:10,806 --> 00:07:14,393 Of course, a nondescript white panel Van. 138 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,568 You may be familiar with it from the sentence, 139 00:07:16,687 --> 00:07:19,857 "their bodies were found in a nondescript white panel Van." 140 00:07:23,819 --> 00:07:24,987 (Doors closing) 141 00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:28,991 - Hey. - What's up? 142 00:07:29,408 --> 00:07:32,870 - Uh, I'm Leonard. This is my friend... - I'm skippy. Skippy Cavanaugh. 143 00:07:35,331 --> 00:07:37,750 - Great. You got the cash? - Uh, yeah. Right here. 144 00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:39,251 Wait, no, hold on, hold on. 145 00:07:40,002 --> 00:07:42,713 How do we know that you're not gonna take the money and drive away? 146 00:07:43,631 --> 00:07:44,965 What are you doing, skippy? 147 00:07:46,342 --> 00:07:49,178 Exactly what 1970s television crime dramas have taught us. 148 00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,889 You give us the helium first. 149 00:07:52,348 --> 00:07:55,059 Oh, how do I know you're not gonna drive away without paying me? 150 00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:59,073 Guess I'm not the only one who watched '70s television crime dramas. 151 00:08:00,397 --> 00:08:03,108 Look, you can trust us, we're respected scientists. 152 00:08:03,525 --> 00:08:04,568 Well, he is. 153 00:08:05,027 --> 00:08:08,238 I'm a wedding planner who can't find love himself. 154 00:08:10,783 --> 00:08:12,534 It's ironic, but the point is... 155 00:08:13,577 --> 00:08:14,912 We can't trust you, 156 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,706 you're a sketchy character in a parking garage. 157 00:08:17,915 --> 00:08:20,584 Yeah, well, from my perspective, that's how you two appear to me. 158 00:08:21,794 --> 00:08:23,314 Well, I never thought of it like that. 159 00:08:24,296 --> 00:08:26,656 Boy, frame of reference will just sneak up on you, won't it? 160 00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,511 My friend does make a decent point about the money. 161 00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:32,930 I don't feel comfortable just handing it over up front. 162 00:08:33,097 --> 00:08:35,307 Uh-uh-uh, no money, no helium. 163 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:38,227 Seems we're at a, uh, stalemate. 164 00:08:38,686 --> 00:08:39,937 Not technically. 165 00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:42,731 In chess, a stalemate refers to a situation 166 00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:44,460 in which there are no remaining moves. 167 00:08:44,608 --> 00:08:46,276 You have plenty of moves available. 168 00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:48,445 You could beat us up and steal the money... 169 00:08:49,947 --> 00:08:51,031 You could kill us... 170 00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:55,285 Really, you're only limited by your imagination. 171 00:08:57,705 --> 00:08:58,706 Huh. 172 00:08:58,872 --> 00:08:59,873 All these years, 173 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,376 I've been using "stalemate" when I really mean "impasse." 174 00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:04,336 I feel foolish. 175 00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:09,174 Eh, I don't think it matters 176 00:09:09,341 --> 00:09:11,969 if this is a stalemate or an impasse or a Mexican standoff. 177 00:09:12,136 --> 00:09:13,470 What are we gonna do here? 178 00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:15,573 Whoa, whoa, whoa. How could it be a Mexican standoff? 179 00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:17,599 Everybody knows you need three sides for that. 180 00:09:17,975 --> 00:09:19,101 Not necessarily. 181 00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:22,896 Uh, many argue, the essence of a Mexican standoff is that 182 00:09:23,105 --> 00:09:26,066 no one can walk away from the conflict without incurring harm. 183 00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:28,068 Hmm. I don't follow. 184 00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:30,733 Let me give you an example. 185 00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:34,992 Earlier today, I decoded the headers on your email, 186 00:09:35,159 --> 00:09:37,161 and I know that your name is Kenneth Fitzgerald. 187 00:09:37,369 --> 00:09:39,997 Now, from that, I figured out where you live and where you work. 188 00:09:40,164 --> 00:09:43,709 Now, to make this a Mexican standoff, I would say something like, 189 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:47,296 "you give us the helium, or I'll turn you in to the authorities." 190 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,758 - Is that a threat? - Yeah, exactly. See, you're getting it. 191 00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:55,395 Yeah, well, I know where you work, all right? And if you mess with me, 192 00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:58,056 I'll report you, then, I'll pound your asses into the ground. 193 00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:00,642 Perfect! Now, we really are in a Mexican standoff. 194 00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:06,857 Is this one of those times where I've won the battle but lost the war? 195 00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:10,110 Afraid so, skippy. 196 00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,620 I told you, we shouldn't go shopping at night. 197 00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:23,040 All right, let's all just calm down. Nobody wants to report anybody. 198 00:10:23,207 --> 00:10:24,487 Nah, I don't like this. I'm out. 199 00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:26,710 No, no, no. Wait, don't go. Just let me explain. 200 00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:30,130 We're physicists, and we're trying to prove a hypothesis 201 00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,174 that we've been working on, for over a year. 202 00:10:32,508 --> 00:10:34,468 Really? What's the hypothesis? 203 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:39,807 Space-time can be interpreted as the surface of an n-dimensional superfluid. 204 00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:42,226 Hmm. Could be. Could be, go on. 205 00:10:45,229 --> 00:10:47,231 Okay, okay. But now, there's this Swedish team, 206 00:10:47,439 --> 00:10:50,239 that read our paper and they're trying to beat us to our own discovery. 207 00:10:50,901 --> 00:10:52,152 We really need this helium. 208 00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:55,697 And I'm sorry I lied about being a wedding planner who can't find love. 209 00:10:56,365 --> 00:10:58,408 Although I am currently single, if you know anybody. 210 00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:02,162 Here's the money. Can we do this? 211 00:11:03,455 --> 00:11:04,498 Okay. 212 00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:08,043 It's a shame about those scientists ripping you off. 213 00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:11,588 I expected a higher ethical standard from our friends in Sweden. 214 00:11:14,299 --> 00:11:17,099 It's actually pretty common in our field. Not much you can do about it. 215 00:11:17,928 --> 00:11:20,323 Well, for the right amount of money, if you know where they live, 216 00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:21,987 there's, uh, plenty we could do about it. 217 00:11:22,516 --> 00:11:25,227 Do you hear that, Leonard? There's plenty we could do about it. 218 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,313 Do you have a card? 219 00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:34,653 Okay, here we go, now everyone can see. 220 00:11:34,945 --> 00:11:37,465 All right. (Clears throat) Where do we stand on cross-eyed Mike? 221 00:11:40,784 --> 00:11:42,786 You know he won't be looking at other girls. 222 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:44,121 (All chuckling) 223 00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:48,434 Unless they are sitting on the end of his nose. 224 00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:49,918 (All laughing) 225 00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:53,088 Okay, okay, okay, thumbs down. Next. 226 00:11:54,298 --> 00:11:57,593 Ooh! Check out his tiny teeth, he looks like a man-dolphin. 227 00:11:59,011 --> 00:12:01,346 Well, if he's good in bed, she can throw him a fish. 228 00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:02,848 (Laughing continues) 229 00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:06,476 (High-pitched voice) I love you, Amy. (Imitates dolphin) 230 00:12:11,315 --> 00:12:14,651 Okay, I'm starting to feel guilty. Aren't we being a little mean? 231 00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:17,905 That's a fair point. 232 00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:20,741 We wouldn't make fun of someone like this to their face. 233 00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:23,619 Look, it's Stuart. 234 00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:29,124 You may wanna leave the room. 235 00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,465 Sheldon: Right this way, uncle Harvey. 236 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:45,474 - Will you stop with that already? - I am trying not to attract attention. 237 00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:49,561 And tipping his hat to the cleaning lady didn't do that? 238 00:12:50,187 --> 00:12:52,522 She said Buenas noches. What was he supposed to do? 239 00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:55,317 Let's just start the experiment. 240 00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:58,379 Leonard, we should probably have our stories straight in case we get caught. 241 00:12:58,403 --> 00:12:59,488 We're not getting caught. 242 00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:01,198 Well, you can't be sure of that. 243 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:03,533 What if the helium dealer rats us out? 244 00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:05,619 What if kripke asks where we got it? 245 00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:08,106 What if the university checks my family tree and finds out, 246 00:13:08,205 --> 00:13:09,748 I don't have an uncle Harvey? 247 00:13:11,083 --> 00:13:14,002 The dealer doesn't care, kripke has no authority over us, 248 00:13:14,211 --> 00:13:17,297 and you being related to a metal container, would explain a lot. 249 00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:20,008 Help me hook this up. 250 00:13:21,927 --> 00:13:23,053 - Uh-oh. - What? 251 00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:25,101 - Well, did you see this sticker? - What is it? 252 00:13:25,222 --> 00:13:26,556 It's partially torn off, 253 00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:30,102 but the segment that remains reads, "property of" and the letter 'u". 254 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,354 It's probably usc or ucla. 255 00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:34,936 Yeah, but what if it's "property of us. Government"? 256 00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:37,651 There's a national helium reserve in amarillo, Texas. 257 00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:41,029 If this was stolen from there, we're accessories to a federal crime. 258 00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:44,241 Let's not jump to conclusions. A lot of things start with u. 259 00:13:44,658 --> 00:13:49,705 That's true. There's the us. Air force, us. Department of defense, us. Navy. 260 00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:51,373 U and I are going tojail. 261 00:13:52,416 --> 00:13:54,710 Listen, we can do the experiment as planned 262 00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:56,436 and beat the Swedish team to the punch, 263 00:13:56,586 --> 00:14:00,340 or we can kiss our dreams goodbye because we were too afraid to break a few rules. 264 00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:06,013 Ma'am. 265 00:14:09,558 --> 00:14:11,118 Okay. Does everyone remember the rules? 266 00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:15,147 If he's shirtless, one sip. Posing with a pet, two sips. 267 00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:18,442 Pet and shirtless, chug like it's your job. 268 00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:21,486 And pull. 269 00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:27,951 I have that same undennear. 270 00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:31,038 Chug. 271 00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:32,789 (Cell phone chimes) 272 00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:34,708 Mm. Amy, you're getting a text. 273 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,251 Oh, um, give me that. 274 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:37,753 (Raj reading) 275 00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:39,796 No, no, no. Stop reading that. 276 00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:41,131 -Who's Dave? _i__ 277 00:14:41,339 --> 00:14:43,151 You went on a date last night? Are you seeing someone? 278 00:14:43,175 --> 00:14:44,593 No, it-it's not like that. 279 00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:45,802 (Cell phone chimes) 280 00:14:46,053 --> 00:14:48,133 - "And I'd love to take you out again"? - (Amy sighs) 281 00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:50,515 - Amy, that's crazy. - Oh, my god. 282 00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:52,517 Okay, it's like that. 283 00:14:55,604 --> 00:14:57,147 Thank you for coming back. 284 00:14:57,606 --> 00:14:58,886 Yeah, well, normally, iwouldn't. 285 00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:00,734 But my daughter's having a sleepover, 286 00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:03,461 and there's only so much screaming and Katy Perry a man can take. 287 00:15:05,989 --> 00:15:07,909 Anyway, if you could just give us our money back, 288 00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:09,993 you can have your helium and we'll be on our way. 289 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:12,003 Yeah, well, is there something wrong with it? 290 00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:14,122 No, nothing. We just changed our mind. 291 00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:17,834 He has glasses and I'm a know-it-all, we are not built for prison. 292 00:15:19,002 --> 00:15:22,089 Yeah, I hear you. Well, you're good guys, so I'll, uh... 293 00:15:22,339 --> 00:15:24,716 - I'll take the helium off your hands. - Thank you. 294 00:15:25,801 --> 00:15:27,886 But you ain't getting your money back. 295 00:15:28,303 --> 00:15:32,390 You're taking advantage of us? We clarified nomenclature together. 296 00:15:34,518 --> 00:15:37,020 Look, I enjoy semantic digressions as much as the next guy, 297 00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:38,855 but, uh, this is business. 298 00:15:41,650 --> 00:15:44,861 You know what? It's fine, keep the money. We just wanna be done with this. 299 00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:48,698 No problem, but I am gonna have to charge you a small helium restocking fee. 300 00:15:50,659 --> 00:15:52,619 - Well, I don't understand. - He wants more money. 301 00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:56,873 Well it better not be more than $1,000, that's all I've got on me. 302 00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:01,336 That's exactly how much it is. 303 00:16:03,046 --> 00:16:04,881 Finally, something breaks our way. 304 00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:12,480 I can't believe you're seeing someone and we don't even know about it. 305 00:16:12,514 --> 00:16:13,890 Yeah, why wouldn't you tell us? 306 00:16:14,224 --> 00:16:17,519 Because it's new and weird and I'm just trying to figure it all out. 307 00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:20,772 And I knew if I told you guys I had been out with a few people, 308 00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:23,233 - that you'd get way too excited about it... - A few? 309 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:24,734 - What? - Amy. 310 00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:29,114 So, are we allowed to ask how it's going? 311 00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:32,492 It's going fine. It's mostlyjust been meeting people for coffee. 312 00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:33,910 Wha? 313 00:16:36,079 --> 00:16:37,873 I thought we were all... never mind. 314 00:16:40,208 --> 00:16:42,752 I-I thought you weren't ready to start seeing people? 315 00:16:43,044 --> 00:16:45,005 Well, I don't have much experience dating, 316 00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:48,133 so I decided it would be good for me to, you know, get out there a little. 317 00:16:48,967 --> 00:16:50,010 Well, good for you. 318 00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:51,887 Thank you. 319 00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:53,902 And how many guys have you gone out with? 320 00:16:54,181 --> 00:16:55,682 - Please be less than two. - Three. 321 00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:56,933 Damn it. 322 00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:02,439 Well, the Swedes might beat us, 323 00:17:03,106 --> 00:17:05,942 but at least we won't get gang-noogied in prison. 324 00:17:08,737 --> 00:17:11,364 Is Ernest goes to jail the only prison movie you've seen? 325 00:17:12,991 --> 00:17:14,618 It scared me straight, Leonard. 326 00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:16,703 (Knock on the door) 327 00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:21,833 Hey, I've been thinking, I was being petty. You can have my helium. 328 00:17:23,627 --> 00:17:25,128 Thank you, Barry. 329 00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:27,964 But you have to add my name to your paper. 330 00:17:29,174 --> 00:17:30,383 That's preposterous. 331 00:17:30,926 --> 00:17:33,006 I don't know, seems fair, you can't do it without me. 332 00:17:34,512 --> 00:17:36,473 - Can you give us a minute? - Take your time. 333 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:39,142 I'll walk out backwards for a dramatic effect. 334 00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:50,487 I don't like being extorted like this. Especially by him of all people. 335 00:17:50,695 --> 00:17:52,906 Me neither, but what other choice do we have? 336 00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:55,992 I promise this is the last time. 337 00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:05,752 It says right here on Wikipedia. 338 00:18:05,961 --> 00:18:09,339 "A Mexican standoff is a confrontation between at least three parties." 339 00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:11,800 (Scoffs) How can you trust Wikipedia 340 00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:14,806 if they use "between" to refer to three parties? 341 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:18,515 They should've used "among," right? 342 00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:24,646 Or "amongst," if they were feeling whimsically archaic. 343 00:18:25,814 --> 00:18:28,733 Enough with the chitchat. Are we gonna watch Ernest goes to jail or not? 344 00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:31,111 Absolutely. 345 00:18:31,319 --> 00:18:34,322 But don't be surprised if this movie sets you on the straight and narrow. 346 00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:37,158 I am open to change. 347 00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:07,772 English - sdh