artthrob. 52 00:03:35,841 --> 00:03:38,593 Sheldon, I used to cut my brother's hair. I could do it. 53 00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:44,433 Penny, I know you mean well, offering the skills of the hill folk... 54 00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:48,019 But here in town, we don't churn our own butter... 55 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,355 We don't make dresses out of gunny sacks... 56 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:53,817 And we sure as shooting don't get our hair cut by bottle-blond... 57 00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:55,736 Sheldon, be nice. 58 00:03:56,778 --> 00:04:00,657 I'm sorry, it's the bad-boy attitude that comes with this hair. 59 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:06,371 You could go to my guy. He's at Juan-Juan in Beverly Hills. 60 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,832 They bring you a cup of tea, massage your scalp. 61 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:11,501 It's $200 but sometimes you look in the next chair... 62 00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:14,713 And you see a superstar like Tony danza. 63 00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:19,259 Quick question here, have we actually changed the conversation... 64 00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:23,221 From "I'm going to astronaut training" to "Sheldon can't get a haircut"? 65 00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:27,559 Now who's dying of jealousy? "Oh," it's you. 66 00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:33,440 [Singing] I'm a cowboy 67 00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:36,401 on a steel horse I ride 68 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:39,029 I'm wanted 69 00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:43,909 I'm wanted 70 00:04:45,911 --> 00:04:49,915 wanted dead or alive 71 00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:54,044 Sheldon, you're ruining girlfriend-boyfriend sing-along night. 72 00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:58,423 I'm sorry. I'm looking for a barber and I'm running out of time. 73 00:04:58,632 --> 00:04:59,674 My hair is growing... 74 00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:03,512 At the rate of 4.6 yoctometers per femtosecond. 75 00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:07,349 If you're quiet, you can hear it. 76 00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:11,102 - What about supercuts? - No, I tried once. 77 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:14,940 They do men's and women's hair in the same room at the same time. 78 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:17,901 It's like sodom and gomorrah with mousse. 79 00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:22,906 Well, this isn't a crisis. Why don't you just let your hair grow out a little? 80 00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:25,242 Why don't I let my hair grow out? 81 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,369 Why don't I start wearing birkenstocks... 82 00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:31,998 And seeking validation of my opinions by asking, "can you dig it?" 83 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:36,670 I don't know. I think you might look sexy with long hair. 84 00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:41,842 With the kind that flows down to your shoulders... 85 00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:44,135 And blows back while riding on a horse. 86 00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:49,516 Bareback and bare-chested. 87 00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,854 I'm gonna go brush my teeth, it might take a while. 88 00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:01,778 - Hi. - Hi, sweetie. 89 00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:04,447 - I miss you. - I miss you too. 90 00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:06,950 So tell me all about your first day. 91 00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:12,789 Oh, wow, where do / even start? I got to experience zero gravity. 92 00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:15,041 - Cool. How do they do that? - It's pretty neat. 93 00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:20,380 You get in this plane that goes almost straight up for like 20 seconds... 94 00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:24,968 And then straight back down like it's gonna crash... 95 00:06:25,176 --> 00:06:30,432 And they do it over and over again, no matter how many times you throw up. 96 00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:34,561 - You threw up? - Yeah. And the craziest part is... 97 00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:39,858 Because there's no gravity, the throw-up kind of floats there. 98 00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:44,946 In a little ball, and if your mouth is open... 99 00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:47,407 Because you're screaming... 100 00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:52,787 Sometimes it just floats right back in. 101 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:58,043 Boy, does everyone laugh at you when that happens. 102 00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,045 - That sounds mean. - No. 103 00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:01,755 I would have laughed too... 104 00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:03,843 But I didn't want the vomit to come back out. 105 00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:05,842 [Laughs] 106 00:07:06,051 --> 00:07:08,803 Heh. Anyway... 107 00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:10,680 Oh, could you do me a favor... 108 00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:14,017 And overnight me some more underwear? 109 00:07:14,225 --> 00:07:16,353 - Sure, why? - I got a look at the centrifuge... 110 00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:18,688 They're gonna spin me around in tomorrow... 111 00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:22,192 And I have a hunch I packed a little light. 112 00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:33,119 It's me, Sheldon. 113 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:37,874 They didn't have anything barber-themed in the gift shop... 114 00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:40,085 So I got you this. 115 00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:44,714 Don't know if you can read his little t-shirt. It says, "get well beary soon." 116 00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:49,678 Trust me, if you were even a little conscious right now, you'd be laughing. 117 00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:51,471 [Chuckles] 118 00:07:53,515 --> 00:07:55,350 Anyway... 119 00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:58,478 There's new studies that show... 120 00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:02,941 People in comas are aware of everything going on around them. 121 00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:05,860 With that in mind, if you can hear me... 122 00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:11,616 Move away from the light and toward the sound of these scissors. 123 00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:15,620 - Can I help you? - Yes. 124 00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:19,207 Do you have something I could use as a cape? 125 00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:23,586 Oh, dear, did we spit out our pills, slip out of the ninth floor... 126 00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:25,797 And go on a little adventure? 127 00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:31,136 Oh, no, I'm just here to get my hair cut. 128 00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:32,595 [Blows] 129 00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:38,560 I see. Just wait here one moment. 130 00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:40,603 Security! 131 00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:47,027 I gotta run. But not with scissors. That would be unsafe. 132 00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:56,745 So if I move my horsey here... 133 00:08:58,288 --> 00:09:00,957 Isn't that checkmate and I win? 134 00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:13,720 Oh... is it or isn't it? 135 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:16,681 You know, I think this is a good stopping point. 136 00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:22,771 It's your first real game. I threw a lot of information at you. 137 00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:24,147 No, your king is trapped. 138 00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:27,067 He can't go here because of my lighthouse... 139 00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:28,943 And... 140 00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:34,115 He can't go here because of my pointy-head guy. 141 00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,619 Like I said, complicated game. 142 00:09:38,536 --> 00:09:40,455 - So did I win or not? - Did you have fun? 143 00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:42,791 Because if you had fun, then you are a winner. 144 00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:45,085 That's what chess is all about. 145 00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:48,171 - Hello. - Hey. 146 00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:50,340 Oh, hey. Sorry, Sheldon, I'll move. 147 00:09:50,548 --> 00:09:54,010 Why? My spot, your spot. What difference does it make? 148 00:09:57,889 --> 00:10:01,601 - Okay, what just happened? - I don't know. 149 00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:04,020 Between you playing chess like Bobby fischer... 150 00:10:04,229 --> 00:10:06,648 And Sheldon being okay with you in his spot... 151 00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:08,942 I'm guessing someone went back in time... 152 00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:12,153 Stepped on a bug, and changed the course of human events. 153 00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:17,450 - Sweetie, are you all right? - No, I'm not all right. 154 00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:20,453 It's been six days since I was supposed to get a haircut... 155 00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:22,497 And nothing horrible has happened. 156 00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:25,583 Okay, I'm sorry, I don't understand. 157 00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:30,171 - Leonard, explain it to her. - Oh, uh, he's crazy. 158 00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:35,510 I have spent my whole life trying to bring order to the universe... 159 00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:38,346 By carefully planning every moment of every day. 160 00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:42,058 But all my efforts, our dinner schedule, my pajama rotation... 161 00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:44,227 My bowel movement spreadsheet... 162 00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:48,565 It's clear now, I've been wasting my time. 163 00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:52,777 Good. I'm taking that disgusting chart off the fridge. 164 00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:54,779 You know... 165 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,282 Sometimes it's nice not knowing what's coming. 166 00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:58,575 Look at me and Leonard. 167 00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,493 We went out, broke up, trying again. 168 00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:02,120 We don't know what's gonna happen. 169 00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:04,789 Oh, please, everyone knows what's going to happen. 170 00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:08,585 But I see your point. 171 00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:10,420 I think this could be good for you. 172 00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:13,798 Maybe it's time for you to shake things up a bit. 173 00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:15,341 You're right. 174 00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:17,218 I should embrace the chaos. 175 00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:21,556 - Great. What are you gonna do first? - I don't know. 176 00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:25,476 I could do anything. All bets are off. 177 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,396 The world is my oyster. 178 00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:30,565 I got it. 179 00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:32,984 I'm gonna put on my Tuesday pajamas tonight. 180 00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:40,241 I got to tell you, I'm a little worried about him. 181 00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:41,951 If I were you, I'd be worried... 182 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:45,705 That a girl who's never played chess in her life just kicked your ass. 183 00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:02,972 Howie, what happened to you? 184 00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:07,352 We did overnight survival training in the wilderness. 185 00:12:07,936 --> 00:12:11,314 Big fun. Big, big fun. 186 00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:14,025 I was gonna freshen up for you... 187 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:19,072 But I blacked out a little on the way to the bathroom. 188 00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:21,783 Survival training? Is that like camping? 189 00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:26,329 Uh-huh. Except you don't have food or water... 190 00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:29,249 And they don't have a sunset sabbath service... 191 00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:32,126 Like they do at camp hess Kramer. 192 00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,797 - Do you sleep in tents? - No. 193 00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:43,012 I slept in a hole I dug in the ground with my bare hands. 194 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:49,310 And at some point during the night, an armadillo crawled in... 195 00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:52,730 And spooned me. 196 00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:58,278 - Poor baby. - But I did it. I survived. 197 00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:02,949 I wasn't sure I was going to when the sandstorm hit. 198 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:09,831 I just pulled my turtleneck up over my head and waited for death. 199 00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:14,460 But somehow as I sat there... 200 00:13:14,669 --> 00:13:18,756 Wrapped in a cocoon of my own neck-sweat... 201 00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:23,052 I found that primal part of the human spirit... 202 00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:29,934 That just wants to keep on living, heh-heh, no matter what the cost. 203 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:32,979 You're so brave. I'm proud of you. 204 00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:35,940 I ate a butterfly. 205 00:13:43,406 --> 00:13:45,783 It was so small... 206 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,037 Beautiful... 207 00:13:50,038 --> 00:13:52,582 But I was so hungry. 208 00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:59,422 - Are you crying? - No, I don't think it's possible. 209 00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:02,717 I'm severely dehydrated. 210 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:06,471 My pee is like toothpaste. 211 00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:10,641 Howie, if you're not able to do this, come home. 212 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,603 It won't change how I feel about you. 213 00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:17,190 Thanks, honey, but I can't quit. 214 00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:19,650 If I do, I'djust be a guy... 215 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:23,780 Who had a chance to be an astronaut and gave it up. 216 00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:25,990 Is there anything I could do to help? 217 00:14:28,910 --> 00:14:31,537 Wait. Send more underwear. 218 00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:37,126 [Bongos playing outside] 219 00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:46,094 Don't let this be Sheldon playing bongos. 220 00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:53,851 Please, don't let this be Sheldon playing bongos. 221 00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:04,153 [Singing] Hello, Leonard, do you like my bongos? 222 00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:09,534 Bet you didn't know that I had bongos 223 00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:12,703 Sheldon, it's 3:00 in the morning. 224 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:16,958 Three in the morning is a good time for bongos 225 00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:18,835 I was sleeping. 226 00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:23,172 Leonard sleeps while I play bongos 227 00:15:23,381 --> 00:15:25,508 no, he doesn't. 228 00:15:25,716 --> 00:15:28,511 Leonard no sleep while iplay bongos 229 00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:30,221 bongo solo. 230 00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:37,353 Stop. Stop it. Stop. Stop. 231 00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:39,439 Stop it. 232 00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:46,529 - What the hell? - Oh, hi, penny, guess what? 233 00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:48,906 Sheldon got bongos. 234 00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:52,410 - Why did you get bongos? - Richard feynman played the bongos. 235 00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:53,828 I thought I'd try. 236 00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:55,621 Feynman was a famous physicist. 237 00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:56,998 It's 3:00 in the morning. 238 00:15:57,206 --> 00:16:00,960 I don't care if Richard feynman was a purple leprechaun who lived in my butt. 239 00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:05,131 [Singing] Penny meant if he were a purple leprechaun 240 00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:09,302 penny forgot to use the subjunctive 241 00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,598 Sheldon, go to bed. You have work in the morning. 242 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:18,603 Maybe, maybe not. Maybe tomorrow I start a bongo band and tour the world. 243 00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:23,774 No, hang on. Roommate agreement. 244 00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:28,988 No hootenannies, sing-a-longs, or barbershop quartets after 10 pm. 245 00:16:29,197 --> 00:16:31,240 Roommate agreement? Are you kidding? 246 00:16:31,449 --> 00:16:34,785 We are living in a world of chaos. 247 00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,412 Roommate agreement. 248 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:42,710 - Where are you going? - Wherever the music takes me, kitten. 249 00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:49,467 Sheldon [singing]: I play bongos walking down the stairs 250 00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,260 oh! Oh! 251 00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:57,475 Never play bongos walking down the stairs 252 00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,728 [knock on door] 253 00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:06,400 - Surprise. - What are you doing here? 254 00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:08,236 Here to help you get through this. 255 00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:11,531 Can't do it on your own, you need someone to take care of you. 256 00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:14,825 - Oh. I love you so much. - Oh, and I love you. 257 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:19,038 Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard, your bath is getting cold. 258 00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:24,585 Don't worry, once she falls asleep, I'll spoon you like an armadillo. Heh. 259 00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:33,094 He showed up in the middle of the night with his bongos. 260 00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:36,847 I foolishly thought it was some sort of musical Booty call. 261 00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:42,603 Poor guy. He must have been exhausted. 262 00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:45,481 [Singing] Sheldon like to sleep while Leonard play the bongo 263 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,696 - that was kind of uncalled for. - No, it was called for. 264 00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:54,574 What's going on? 265 00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:57,076 Sheldon, this craziness has gone on long enough. 266 00:17:57,285 --> 00:17:59,328 Please come home so I can cut your hair. 267 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:02,873 Penny, you're not trained. You're not licensed. 268 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:06,961 And most importantly, you don't have access to my haircut records. 269 00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:11,924 All right, honey, look... 270 00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:15,052 We've known each other for a long time now, right? 271 00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:18,931 I've taken you to Disneyland, I kicked a bully in the nuts for you. 272 00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:24,520 I sing you "soft kitty" when you're sick, you've even seen me naked once. 273 00:18:24,729 --> 00:18:26,814 I'm sorry, what? 274 00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:31,652 It was a long story. Anyway, Sheldon, I promise I know what I'm doing. 275 00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:33,446 Please let me cut your hair. 276 00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:36,490 Amy, what do you think? 277 00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:41,329 There's not a hair on my body I wouldn't let this woman trim. 278 00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:50,630 Fine, let's go. 279 00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:56,510 Thank you for letting me sleep on your couch. 280 00:18:56,719 --> 00:19:00,181 There's only so many times a woman can say, "how about the bed?" 281 00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:05,099 Leonard: What's this about Sheldon seeing you naked? 282 00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:09,398 Oh, relax. It was just her bottom and her breasts. 283 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,532 Almost done. 284 00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:23,371 At the end of the haircut, Mr. D'onofrio would tell me a dirty joke. 285 00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:26,999 Oh, sorry, I don't know any dirty jokes. 286 00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:30,169 That's okay, I never understood them anyway. 287 00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:34,715 Okay, what do you think? 288 00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:41,847 Hmm. Well, it's a little Hollywood. 289 00:19:43,808 --> 00:19:46,769 But I think I can pull it off. Well done, penny. 290 00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:49,480 Told you. I'm just gonna clean up your neck a little... 291 00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,399 - And then you are good to go. - Fun time. 292 00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:52,817 [Clippers whirring] 293 00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,068 [Giggles] 294 00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:56,821 Sorry, sometimes the clippers tickle me. 295 00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:58,531 Okay. 296 00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:00,741 [Laughs] 297 00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:08,916 Okay, yep, we're all done now. It's... it's good. 298 00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:11,877 Let me just take that away from you. Okay. 299 00:20:12,086 --> 00:20:15,214 - Thank you very much. - You are welcome. 300 00:20:19,427 --> 00:20:21,345 [Mouths] Okay. 301 00:20:24,473 --> 00:20:25,891 Yeah, I'm gonna have to move. Ahem. 302 00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:56,422 [English - us - sdh]