y to play when you are.
- Yeah, in a minute.

56
00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:43,391
I actually need
to tell you guys something.

57
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:46,227
If it's thank you for the homemade jam
you got in December,

58
00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:48,479
congratulations, you're the first one.

59
00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:52,191
What's going on?

60
00:03:52,483 --> 00:03:54,860
I'm...

61
00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,655
Uh... gonna be a father.

62
00:03:58,406 --> 00:04:00,046
- What? Congratulations.
- That's amazing.

63
00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:01,492
Oh, no!

64
00:04:03,411 --> 00:04:04,495
Why "oh, no"?

65
00:04:04,662 --> 00:04:06,497
Because this changes everything.

66
00:04:06,664 --> 00:04:07,998
What about comic book night?

67
00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:11,502
What about playing games together?
What about our trips to Disneyland?

68
00:04:11,669 --> 00:04:14,004
How can we do those things
with a child around?

69
00:04:16,507 --> 00:04:18,801
Relax, there's room for two babies
in this group.

70
00:04:19,218 --> 00:04:21,554
Oh, dear lord, penny's pregnant too?

71
00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:24,223
You're the other baby.

72
00:04:24,849 --> 00:04:28,894
Oh, really? Okay. We”, would a baby
have to shave once every 11 days?

73
00:04:31,147 --> 00:04:33,441
Would an adult refuse
to eat his Graham crackers

74
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,317
because one of them was broken?

75
00:04:36,152 --> 00:04:37,392
I guess we'll call this a draw.

76
00:04:40,698 --> 00:04:41,938
So, I'm glad you guys are here.

77
00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:43,712
There's something
I want to share with you.

78
00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:46,078
Howie and I are going to...

79
00:04:46,245 --> 00:04:47,725
Leonard says you're pregnant!

80
00:04:47,872 --> 00:04:48,873
What?

81
00:04:49,081 --> 00:04:51,375
"Don't say anything, act surprised
when she tells you."

82
00:04:51,876 --> 00:04:53,419
All right, how you wanna do this?

83
00:04:55,838 --> 00:04:57,923
- I'm pregnant.
- Oh, my god! I can't believe it!

84
00:04:58,090 --> 00:04:59,341
This is so exciting!

85
00:05:00,176 --> 00:05:02,052
Yeah, yeah, real exciting.

86
00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:05,014
What, are you not happy about this?

87
00:05:05,306 --> 00:05:07,475
I am. Of course I am.

88
00:05:08,142 --> 00:05:09,685
I'm sure it's just the hormones.

89
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:11,937
But it's weird.

90
00:05:12,104 --> 00:05:14,544
Howie's the one who's been talking
about having kids for years

91
00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:17,377
and I was all excited to tell him
because I thought he'd be thrilled,

92
00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:20,404
but then he started to flip out
and now this feels like a bad idea,

93
00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:22,239
and I'm gonna get fat.

94
00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:25,242
No! No, come on. Come on,
you're not gonna get fat,

95
00:05:25,409 --> 00:05:29,288
you're gonna be beautiful and glowing,
and have the cutest little baby bump ever.

96
00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:31,540
Easy for you to say, skinny bitch.

97
00:05:33,918 --> 00:05:35,294
Sorry, hormones.

98
00:05:35,586 --> 00:05:37,346
Oh, that's all right.
All I heard was skinny.

99
00:05:39,423 --> 00:05:41,423
I wouldn't make too much
out of Howard not reacting

100
00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:42,843
the way you expected him to.

101
00:05:43,052 --> 00:05:45,212
Yeah, I'm sure
it was just the initial shock of it all.

102
00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:47,264
You're probably right.

103
00:05:47,431 --> 00:05:49,683
After we talked about it
he started to calm down.

104
00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:53,771
I shouldn't be raising a kid.
I don't even eat my own vegetables.

105
00:05:56,315 --> 00:05:57,955
Buddy, I think you might be overreacting.

106
00:05:58,025 --> 00:06:00,277
And then there's this nose. I mean...

107
00:06:00,569 --> 00:06:02,154
What if he looks like me?

108
00:06:03,656 --> 00:06:06,575
Or worse,
What if she looks like me?

109
00:06:08,410 --> 00:06:10,746
Not to mention
the impact on our social circle.

110
00:06:10,913 --> 00:06:13,916
Everything's going to change.
Howard won't be able to come over as much.

111
00:06:14,083 --> 00:06:15,477
Well, he could bring the baby here.

112
00:06:15,501 --> 00:06:17,545
Then we'd have to baby-proof
the apartment.

113
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:20,798
Yeah, my sister has one of those
toilet locks in her bathroom.

114
00:06:20,965 --> 00:06:23,467
I have two doctorates,
I still had to go in the sink.

115
00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:30,140
Oh, my god, and do you have any idea
how expensive having a kid is?

116
00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:33,143
Yeah, I read that in Los Angeles,
raising a child through college

117
00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:34,895
can cost over a million dollars.

118
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,689
A million dollars?

119
00:06:37,648 --> 00:06:39,942
It's like my nuts
just kicked me in the nuts.

120
00:06:41,944 --> 00:06:45,489
That's it, I gotta start earning
more money right now.

121
00:06:45,781 --> 00:06:48,784
I know, you could ask Bernadette
for a raise in your allowance.

122
00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:51,245
This isn't a joke.

123
00:06:51,495 --> 00:06:52,621
I wasn't joking.

124
00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:58,627
It'll be fine, people have kids every day.
You'll figure this out.

125
00:06:58,794 --> 00:07:01,255
Yeah, come on, this is great news
and you know it.

126
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:06,510
You're right, it is.
I'm just a little ovenrvhelmed right now.

127
00:07:07,136 --> 00:07:08,679
Hey, you know what we should do?

128
00:07:08,846 --> 00:07:11,056
All get vasectomies
so this doesn't happen to us?

129
00:07:14,643 --> 00:07:16,437
Go out and celebrate.

130
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,356
But not your worst idea.

131
00:07:23,027 --> 00:07:25,154
Hey, let's go do something
to get your mind off this.

132
00:07:25,321 --> 00:07:26,614
Yeah, yeah, we should go out.

133
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,824
- Where?
- Uh, I don't know, a bar?

134
00:07:29,408 --> 00:07:30,409
Can't drink.

135
00:07:30,618 --> 00:07:31,827
We can, but all right.

136
00:07:33,329 --> 00:07:35,372
Are you hungry?
How about that Sushi place you love?

137
00:07:35,748 --> 00:07:37,458
Doctor said I can't have Sushi.

138
00:07:38,459 --> 00:07:40,061
Okay, look, we don't have to go anywhere.

139
00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:42,588
We can just, you know, stay here
and hang out in the hot tub.

140
00:07:42,838 --> 00:07:44,840
Doctor said I can't go in the hot tub.

141
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:47,885
Maybe you should get a new doctor.

142
00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:52,473
What, he said you can't laugh either?

143
00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:58,228
I'd like to propose a toast
to our friend Howard.

144
00:07:58,395 --> 00:08:01,065
His big heart, his beautiful soul...

145
00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:04,401
And his tight little pants
that somehow did not make him sterile.

146
00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:07,237
All: Cheers!

147
00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:10,658
Now look at this.

148
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:14,411
Now I bet whoever invented tiny umbrellas
doesn't have to worry about money.

149
00:08:14,578 --> 00:08:16,664
He can have all the kids he wants.

150
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:19,333
And can keep a small portion
of their heads dry.

151
00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:25,047
If I'm gonna have any chance
of raising this kid,

152
00:08:25,214 --> 00:08:27,841
I need to come up with a big idea
to make some money.

153
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,368
- There's no reason you can't.
- That's easy for you to say.

154
00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:32,906
You and Sheldon already came up
with your superquid helium model.

155
00:08:32,930 --> 00:08:35,557
That's just research,
we're never gonna make any money from it.

156
00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:39,603
Forget helium. The real superquid
is the fruit punch in this mug.

157
00:08:40,771 --> 00:08:44,149
Reminds me of my daddy's
secret don't-tell-mama juice.

158
00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:49,321
Uh, these are strong,
you should slow down.

159
00:08:50,239 --> 00:08:51,907
I'll just take one last sip.

160
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,675
Okay, how about this for an invention?

161
00:09:09,842 --> 00:09:12,678
Slightly bigger cocktail umbrellas.

162
00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:16,181
- How is that a new invention?
- I don't know,

163
00:09:16,348 --> 00:09:18,058
all apple does
is change the size of things

164
00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:19,518
and we keep buying them.

165
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:24,189
It's true, I like my giant iPad
and my little iPad

166
00:09:24,356 --> 00:09:26,650
almost as much as my regular-sized iPad.

167
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,237
This place is terrific.

168
00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:32,322
Why have we never been here before?

169
00:09:33,115 --> 00:09:35,743
Same reason we don't do
a lot of fun stuff. You.

170
00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:41,165
That's some smart talk from a guy
who can't even keep his face in focus.

171
00:09:45,127 --> 00:09:47,171
- Where's the bathroom?
- It's in the corner.

172
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:48,672
Excuse me.

173
00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:52,885
Hey, how you doing?

174
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:58,265
I hope the bathroom is clearly marked.

175
00:09:58,432 --> 00:10:00,642
Doesn't matter,
he's headed for the kitchen anyway.

176
00:10:02,144 --> 00:10:05,481
Maybe that's an idea.
Guidance systems for drunk people.

177
00:10:05,689 --> 00:10:07,524
They have that, it's called uber.

178
00:10:09,026 --> 00:10:11,361
Hey, in your super-cooled
helium experiments,

179
00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:13,655
did you create quantum vortices?

180
00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:15,949
- Yeah, why?
- Well, if you made a guidance system,

181
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,452
couldn't you use those vortices
as a gyroscope?

182
00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:20,913
Wow, never thought about that.

183
00:10:21,079 --> 00:10:24,458
And since it's in a quantum state,
it would maintain an infinite persistence.

184
00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:27,294
Groundbreaking revelations,
tropical drinks, tell me

185
00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:30,214
this isn't like the best episode
of sex and the city.

186
00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:35,802
You may have actually
just come up with something.

187
00:10:35,886 --> 00:10:37,286
- You think so?
- Yeah, I really do.

188
00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:40,182
You guys, the bathroom here is amazing.

189
00:10:40,349 --> 00:10:42,142
There's people cooking in it.

190
00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:48,541
Think about all the fun things
you get to do when you have a baby.

191
00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:51,944
Yeah, yeah, you get to buy toys
and little clothes.

192
00:10:52,194 --> 00:10:54,112
I kind of already do that for Howie.

193
00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:56,990
And, whenever you're hungry,

194
00:10:57,157 --> 00:11:00,619
you'll be in a minivan
with cheerios all over the roor.

195
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,057
Oh, and I just found a new travel cup
for Sheldon.

196
00:11:04,081 --> 00:11:05,582
It only lets out three at a time.

197
00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:09,753
So, when did you guys decide
to get pregnant?

198
00:11:10,087 --> 00:11:12,631
Well, we didn't exactly decide.

199
00:11:12,965 --> 00:11:16,301
We were talking about it, and then
one night we got a little reckless.

200
00:11:16,468 --> 00:11:17,908
- Oh, tell us!
- Yeah, yeah, tell us.

201
00:11:18,053 --> 00:11:19,054
No, I'm embarrassed.

202
00:11:19,263 --> 00:11:21,115
Come on, we're all grown-ups.
We've all done it.

203
00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:23,100
Me! Me, too. I'm a grown-up
and I've done it!

204
00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:29,064
Fine.

205
00:11:29,231 --> 00:11:33,277
We were out one night
and things got a little spontaneous.

206
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:34,987
Well, that sounds juicy.

207
00:11:35,487 --> 00:11:39,241
Well, Sheldon was going on and on
about time zones and railroad schedules,

208
00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:42,202
- and iwent out...
- Wait, I remember that. Hang on,

209
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,289
you did it at our place?

210
00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:49,334
Kind of on Sheldon's bed.

211
00:11:49,501 --> 00:11:51,128
- What?
- No!

212
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:57,509
I was headed to the bathroom
and I passed Howie on his way out.

213
00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,554
Usually he says, "do not go in there,"

214
00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:04,683
but this time he said,
"hey, let's go in here."

215
00:12:06,018 --> 00:12:08,061
- How could you do that?
- I'm sorry,

216
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,206
but you know what it's like
when you're with your man

217
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,523
and one thing leads to another.

218
00:12:11,982 --> 00:12:13,775
I do know what that's like, I really do.

219
00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:20,574
I'm not seeing anyone
using liquid helium vortices like this.

220
00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:22,200
I'm not finding anything either.

221
00:12:22,451 --> 00:12:23,535
That's a good sign.

222
00:12:23,827 --> 00:12:25,412
Oh, wait, I found something.

223
00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:26,830
Damn, what is it?

224
00:12:26,997 --> 00:12:31,877
This video, the baby panda sneezes
and the momma panda gets so scared.

225
00:12:36,340 --> 00:12:38,300
Can we focus on what we're talking about?

226
00:12:38,467 --> 00:12:42,346
All right, look, now,
this may be the rum talking,

227
00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:45,015
but as long as the unpinning rate
of the vortices

228
00:12:45,182 --> 00:12:47,559
is kept within 1.1 and 1.3,

229
00:12:47,726 --> 00:12:50,479
the Magnus force issue
should be negligible.

230
00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:55,025
Even drunk
he's still smarter than all of us.

231
00:12:57,069 --> 00:13:00,405
And stronger. Who wants to see me
beat up the bartender?

232
00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:03,909
I'd enjoy that.

233
00:13:04,076 --> 00:13:05,452
Nah, she's a good kid.

234
00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:09,539
I mean, if this is a viable thing,

235
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:13,460
we could get a patent and license it
to companies that make guidance systems.

236
00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:17,547
Look at that. You've known you're gonna
be a father for less than a day

237
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:20,550
- and you're already stepping up.
- I'm telling you, you got this.

238
00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:21,885
Maybe you're right.

239
00:13:22,052 --> 00:13:23,261
Of course he's right.

240
00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:26,848
You and I both know how hard it is
growing up without a father.

241
00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:30,185
That's why I'm confident
you're gonna be the best dad you can be.

242
00:13:32,396 --> 00:13:34,356
- Thank you, Sheldon.
- You're welcome.

243
00:13:34,856 --> 00:13:38,193
And if he has twins, we can do
all kinds of neat experiments on them.

244
00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:45,242
You guys can go in if you want.

245
00:13:45,409 --> 00:13:48,245
No, we're a team. If you can't go in,
we're not going in.

246
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:51,164
Then why are we drinking?

247
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:55,127
Okay, it's not like she's got
the Christ child in there, right?

248
00:13:58,088 --> 00:14:00,424
Oh, it's Leonard. He says Sheldon's drunk

249
00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:02,676
and they're gonna do karaoke
if we wanna join them.

250
00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:03,844
That sounds fun.

251
00:14:06,138 --> 00:14:08,473
Oh, no. Sheldon's drunk texting me.

252
00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:09,683
What's it say?

253
00:14:09,891 --> 00:14:12,102
"Would you like to sing karaoke with us."

254
00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:13,562
How's that a drunk text?

255
00:14:13,729 --> 00:14:15,689
Well, he used a period
instead of a question Mark,

256
00:14:15,731 --> 00:14:17,274
He's so wasted.

257
00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:01,864
Hey, guys. Congratulations!

258
00:15:01,985 --> 00:15:02,986
Thank you.

259
00:15:03,153 --> 00:15:04,905
Hi, how are you doing?

260
00:15:05,489 --> 00:15:06,490
Oh, wonderful.

261
00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:09,785
Yeah, I'm being musically encouraged
to bust a move.

262
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,287
If I knew what that meant,
I mightjust do it.

263
00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:16,416
I'm really glad you're here. Can we talk?

264
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:17,918
Okay.

265
00:15:19,169 --> 00:15:20,545
So, you gonna get up there later?

266
00:15:21,046 --> 00:15:22,047
A microphone,

267
00:15:22,214 --> 00:15:25,175
a room full of inaccurate depictions
of polynesian religion

268
00:15:25,342 --> 00:15:28,261
and a captive audience to hear about it?
You bet I am.

269
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:34,309
I'm sorry I freaked out this morning.
I want you to know...

270
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:36,686
I'm done being scared.

271
00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:39,231
It's okay to be nervous, I am too.

272
00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:40,597
Thank god, 'cause I was lying,

273
00:15:40,732 --> 00:15:43,532
you might not have to wait nine months
to see someone soil their pants.

274
00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:47,864
But I'm also really excited.

275
00:15:49,157 --> 00:15:50,367
I mean it.

276
00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:52,035
Me, too.

277
00:15:52,494 --> 00:15:53,537
I love you.

278
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:58,458
Mmm. And I'm not just saying that
because your breasts are gonna get bigger.

279
00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:01,244
I appreciate this, but you really Don...

280
00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:32,302
I'd like to dedicate
my last song of the evening

281
00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:37,933
to my wife, best friend
and now the mother of our child.

282
00:17:39,476 --> 00:17:40,810
I love you, Bernie.

283
00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:06,419
You're kidding! What kind of maniacs
have coitus in someone else's bedroom?

284
00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:11,675
Thank you, Pasadena, good night!

285
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:20,392
That was such a fun night.

286
00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:23,895
Probably 'cause you got to see
your man up there rocking the mic.

287
00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:28,608
Yeah, yeah. I was a little surprised
when you decided to beatbox.

288
00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:32,529
That was really an asthma attack,
I just sold it.

289
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:37,534
Well, I am so happy
for Howard and Bernadette.

290
00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:38,743
Me, too.

291
00:18:40,412 --> 00:18:41,663
So, you ever think about it?

292
00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:43,248
Babies?

293
00:18:43,415 --> 00:18:46,042
Well, I'm not in a rush,
but someday, yeah, sure.

294
00:18:46,543 --> 00:18:47,669
What about you?

295
00:18:49,004 --> 00:18:51,047
I think we'd make amazing parents.

296
00:18:51,589 --> 00:18:53,425
Sheldon: Will you guys keep it down?

297
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On the other hand,
we might lack a certain maturity.

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English - sdh